Guide to Parenting a Strong-Willed Child

Neo Moshoeu • October 18, 2024

Parenting a strong-willed child can be a rewarding yet challenging experience. These children often display a sense of determination, independence, and a desire to assert their ideas. While this personality can be a great asset, it also means that parenting requires patience, understanding, and clear guidance. In this blog, we will explore what it means to have a strong-willed child, how to distinguish between strong will and stubbornness, and offer practical tips for effective parenting.

What is a Strong-Willed Child?

A strong-willed child is one who is driven by an innate sense of self-direction and confidence (Greene, 2020). They are often known for their persistence, determination, and eagerness to make their own decisions. They tend to be opinionated and may push boundaries to see how far they can go. These traits can be positive when channelled appropriately, but they can also present challenges in a structured environment like home or school.

Identifying a Strong-Willed Child vs a Stubborn Child

It is important to understand the difference between a strong-willed child and one who is simply being stubborn. While both may exhibit resistance, there are subtle differences in their motivations and behaviours:

Strong-Willed Children – they tend to have a clear reason behind their actions. They may resist being told what to do because they want to understand the logic behind it or explore a different approach. They often have a strong sense of justice and want to negotiate rather than just accept instructions (Greene, 2020).
Stubborn Children – stubborn child might resist change for the sake of resistance, without necessarily having a clear rationale behind their behaviour. Stubbornness often comes from a reluctance to accept new ideas or perspectives, whereas a strong-willed child may be more open to change if it aligns with their own understanding.

Tips for Parenting a Strong-Willed Child

Parenting a strong-willed child requires a balance of firmness and flexibility. Here are some strategies to help:

1. Provide Clear Boundaries and Consistency

Strong-willed children respond well to structure and consistency. Clearly define rules and expectations and ensure that these are applied consistently. While they may push against these boundaries, knowing what is expected can give them a sense of security. Be clear about the consequences of not following rules, but avoid overly harsh discipline, which can backfire with these independent thinkers (Smith & Johnson, 2021).

2. Offer Choices Rather Than Commands

Strong-willed children appreciate having a sense of control over their lives. Instead of issuing directives, provide them with choices. For example, instead of saying, “Put on your jacket,” try, “Would you like to wear the blue jacket or the red one?” This way, they feel they have some input while still adhering to your guidelines.

3. Listen Actively to Their Opinions

These children want their voices to be heard. Taking the time to listen to their perspective can help them feel valued and respected. It does not mean you need to agree with them, but acknowledging their viewpoint can reduce resistance. After listening, you can explain your reasoning calmly, helping them understand the bigger picture.

4. Be Patient and Empathetic

Strong-willed children often experience emotions intensely. Practicing patience and empathy can help during difficult moments. When they express frustration or anger, try to understand what is driving those feelings rather than reacting immediately. Reflecting back what they are feeling (“I see you’re upset because…”) can help them feel understood and more open to dialogue.

5. Encourage Independence While Setting Limits

Allow your strong-willed child opportunities to be independent and take on responsibilities, whether it is choosing their outfit or helping with small tasks around the house. This can channel their desire for control into positive actions. At the same time, set limits to ensure they understand that their independence does not mean a lack of accountability.

6. Model Calmness During Conflicts

Strong-willed children often mirror the behaviour they see. Staying calm during disagreements sets a good example of how to manage conflicts. When tempers flare, take a deep breath and speak in a steady tone. This not only helps diffuse tension but also shows your child how to handle stress without escalating emotions (Smith & Johnson, 2021).

7. Celebrate Their Strengths

Strong-willed children often grow up to be leaders, innovators, and change-makers. While their determination can be challenging during their younger years, it is also a strength worth nurturing. Focus on their positive qualities, such as their persistence and creativity, and encourage them to use these traits in constructive ways.

Parenting a strong-willed child comes with its unique set of challenges, but it can also be a deeply enriching journey. Understanding their need for autonomy and respecting their perspective can help create a more cooperative and peaceful home environment. By setting clear boundaries, offering choices, and embracing their individuality, you can help your child develop the skills they need to thrive in the world, while maintaining a strong and positive relationship.

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Teacher Spotlight: Mr Chris Herbst Afrikaans Teacher at Crawford International Sandton

April 25, 2025

A Lifelong Educator Mr Chris Herbst has spent 41 years in the classroom. With a Bachelor of Education from the University of the Witwatersrand, he has taught countless learners over the decades. He joined Crawford International Sandton in 1999 and currently teaches Afrikaans to students from Grade 8 to Grade 12. His role spans across five different year groups, a challenge he embraces. “I have my hands full as I navigate the excitement and challenges of teaching an additional language to five different grades,” he says. Why Teaching Still Matters For Mr Herbst, teaching is not a job. It is something he feels deeply connected to. “Teaching is my great passion and calling. The classroom is where I find my motivation and inspiration,” he shares. “When we have a really good lesson and I see our students leave having learned something new, or figured out a challenging concept, then I am motivated and inspired all over again.” These everyday moments keep him grounded in his purpose. They are the quiet victories that reaffirm his place in the classroom. Freedom to Teach with Meaning Mr Herbst values Crawford’s approach to learning, particularly the way it supports teacher agency and student-centred learning. “I love the fact that the focus is student-centred, and that as teachers we have the freedom and the responsibility to create a teaching and learning environment that works best for every learning need,” he says. He believes this flexibility allows for learning to become more meaningful. “If I identify that a particular topic or poem has piqued the interest of my class, I have the freedom to delve deeper and really explore the subject matter without being bound by rigid syllabus rules and time frames.” Connecting Language to the Real World Teaching Afrikaans in a school where it is often an additional language means finding ways to make it resonate. Mr Herbst understands that for many students, the subject may not come naturally. “For many students, learning another language may initially feel like a requirement rather than a passion,” he explains. To bridge that gap, he brings the language to life through content that students can relate to. “It’s important to integrate engaging, real-world content such as music, movies, and stories that align with the students’ interests.” These tools, he believes, help students see the language in context and build an emotional connection to it. A Teaching Legacy Over the course of his career, Mr Herbst has taught more than one generation in the same family. It is a milestone he reflects on with pride. “I have taught students who are now parents, and I am teaching their children today. It doesn’t get better than that.” But what stands out most for him is being remembered. “By far my biggest kick is when a past student recognises me and comes over to strike up a conversation and talk about their life and work after school.”

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ALUMNI SPOTLIGHT: DYLAN BIZJAK

March 28, 2025

ALUMNI SPOTLIGHT: DYLAN BIZJAK Crawford International Sandton From the classrooms of Crawford International Sandton to the forefront of aeronautical engineering in the Netherlands, Dylan Bizjak’s journey is one of ambition, resilience and innovation . Pursuing a Passion for Engineering After matriculating in 2019, Dylan initially pursued Aeronautical Engineering at Wits University. However, six months into his studies, a new opportunity emerged, one that would take him beyond South Africa’s borders. He secured a place at Inholland University of Applied Sciences in Delft, Netherlands, where he embraced the challenge of international study, even navigating his first year remotely due to the pandemic. Now a graduate with a BSc in Aeronautical Engineering (2024), Dylan has stepped into the professional world, joining Eve Reverse, a pioneering start-up dedicated to climate-positive innovation. What began as an internship in his final year evolved into a full-time role as a Research and Development Engineer, where he contributes to the creation of sustainable, carbon-negative materials. His proudest achievement? Playing a key role in the development of the Eve Dry Tile, an innovative flax fibre material designed to reduce emissions and waste in manufacturing. Achievements at Crawford International Sandton Gareth Beach Award (2019) – Recognised for bravery, dedication, self-development and outstanding achievement in swimming. Sportsman of the Year (2019) – Acknowledged for excellence in swimming, basketball and boxing. Reflections on Crawford Dylan credits his time at Crawford for preparing him for both academic and personal success on the global stage. “Crawford’s approach equips you for university and beyond, whether in South Africa or internationally. It’s not just about academics but about becoming a well-rounded critical thinker and team player. Exposure to diverse cultures, teamwork, individuality and taking responsibility for my outcomes were invaluable lessons I carried with me.” Words of Wisdom To his younger self, Dylan would say: “Step out of your comfort zone sooner. Growth happens when you challenge yourself. Leaving home was tough, but the personal and professional growth was worth every stumble along the way.” Dylan’s story is a testament to courage, hard work and the power of embracing the unknown. From South Africa to the Netherlands, he is proving that the sky isn’t the limit, it is just the beginning.