Raising an inspired, empowered teenager
Mr. K G Pillay • May 11, 2020
Raising an inspired, empowered teenager.
Inspired, empowered parents raise inspired, empowered teenagers. Parents can only give what they have and their teenage children are aware of this fact. Danny Morel (Founder of Intero Real State & CEO Inc 500) states that “inspiration is the source from where one feeds and creates ideas while empowerment is the way you feel about your convictions and the way you look at yourself”
This begs the question: can raising that inspired, empowered teenager be achieved the way we were raised? The debate continues …
Let’s be reminded that back then, parents were in charge and in control (to a large extent) of their children. Nowadays, there has been a noticeable shift in that while parents are certainly in charge of their children, as required by law, they are not in control of them.
Being openly challenged on almost all platforms has slowly caused parents to lose their grip on their ability to raise their teenage children with the confidence that they most likely had, at the time of their conception. The joyful experience of parenting is fast evolving into a jaded experience of parenting.
Nevertheless, parents have the God-given responsibility to inculcate a set of values that prompt and promote their teenagers into being inspired and empowered individuals.
Key to all of this is that parents must love their teenagers fiercely. Raising children must be seen as a privilege rather than a pain and this experience must be evidenced, often.
Attempting the autocratic route into instilling the virtues of inspiration and empowerment into a very self-absorbed generation will arguably result in resistance and defiance much to the disappointment of parents, who are sincere though sincerely wrong. Therefore a confident, embracing and workable approach is needed.
Being aware of their value system and the rank that they attach to each value in their system is of paramount importance. The three “A’s” may be of benefit to a parent: ask, amend and adopt.
It’s vital to ask your teenage child what is high on his or her value system. Assuming any of a series of values would exhibit minimal maturity on the part of the parent. Assumptions are our intuition trying to help us to make sense of situations. And how often do we get that curt response when we have misread that crucial situation through an assumption. It’s typical, especially nowadays, for teenagers to be random in behavioural patterns. Asking is the best way of “knowing” and should be practised, as often as possible.
The next step requires all the skill and mastery of a responsible parent: to amend a value for maximum gain. As an example, a child may have “excellence” high on the list but desires to exhibit this quality across a variety of platforms. This drive to excel across all these areas may lead to burnout and possible depression, if unsuccessful. As an amendment, the parent may suggest that the child focus on a specific area at a time and then apply that zeal into another area, gradually. The parent should use examples from his or her own life experiences or from individuals that the child can readily identify with. The resultant benefit would definitely be uplifting to the child if executed skilfully. Giving teenagers the opportunity to experience their own lives, means giving them space to “do life” under the watchful eye of the parent/s. Hence, instead of an outright change to a value system, rather amend the system so as to be mutually satisfying to both parties.
The third aspect, following the asking and amending, would be the adopting of the amended value. If carefully chosen examples accompany the amended value, then the process of adopting the amended value would be fairly easy.
It is clear that individuals will be inspired by what they value most. Having an appropriate value system will establish a firm foundation towards inspiration. Parents have to show that they are proud of the (amended) value system that their child has chosen to embrace.
The Oxford dictionary defines “empower” as the “authority or power given to someone to do something.”
It follows then that for a teenager to be empowered, opportunities must be given. These opportunities will serve to build trust. Full empowerment is only achieved if teenagers experience this first-hand.
Concomitant to giving children the ability to make their own choices would be the associated consequences that their teenagers must accept. If John wants to outlay his entire month’s allowance on a single spend during the first weekend of the month, then John must take responsibility for the fact that for rest of the month he will have no spending.
Important though, is that we do not help or offer the safety net until they have been through the complete process. If a parent intervenes too soon, then a valuable life lesson is lost. If a caterpillar is assisted out of its cocoon prematurely, it would not have the necessary strength in its wings, as a butterfly, to be able to fly. In like manner, our desire to assist before a process is completed would be counter-productive to the cause of the empowerment.
Hence the inspiration (ask, amend and adopt) and empowerment (opportunities, consequences, and process) are just a few pointers and a fantastic place, to begin within our responsibility as parents to raise a generation that would be true world changers.
By Mr. K G Pillay
Mathematics Teacher – Crawford College North Coast
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